How far we can fall
by FaithDeanLove
Summary: Her life was spent not really living, and she was fine that way. really she was, ever since he left her. warning: contains eating disorders.
1. Chapter 1

Hello peeps! What's up? Have a new fic I've decided to start, and I wanna give you guys a quick warning.

It deals a little with eating disorders, and if it may be a trigger for any of you then I suggest you don't read to keep yourself safe. I am not promoting eating disorders at all; they are a very bad thing that should be avoided at all costs.

I do not own anything except the plot I guess, and it's a bit of an angst story.

Enjoy!

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It was a quiet night at the Wizardry school of Hogwarts, which was surprising given the amount of mischief and rule breaking that continually occurred inside the old brick walls. Dinner had ended just a little bit before, and most of the students were relaxing in their respective common rooms, some doing homework while others were just kicking back after another stressful school day.

It wasn't a very big consolation though, since everyone was mostly aware that the next day is usually just a general repeat of every other day before.

There was one girl that wasn't spending time with the other people in her house though, and it's no big surprise that no one really noticed.

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The ground was a hard place to sit on with her rather bony bottom, and she knew that if she stayed sitting for too long a rather nasty bruise might appear there the morning after.

Thin legs sprawled on the floor of the cramped place she had holed herself up in since sometime during dinner, and too large robes practically drowned out the petite girl wrapped in it.

She was slumped over on the floor with her arms acting as a pillow for her head, the hard stones just as painful on her arms as her butt. She was too exhausted to care much, though, and even if she did get up, she didn't think it would be wise to risk the chance of falling over. Her head felt rather light headed and her throat burned, but it was a feeling she had learned to endure.

She could feel that her body had returned to its weak, deprived state it had been in before the terror of dinner had occurred, and she felt as if she could somewhat breath more freely again.

The sick sense of relief she felt was precisely what she had been yearning and hoping for and some of her guilt had left when she had flushed the remains of her dinner down the toilet. Of course there was still enough guilt left in her to encourage her self-depreciative mood, but at least now she felt a little more able to face the world again.

Her shallow breaths had finally evened out somewhat, and once her head had cleared a little, she pushed her hands against the floor and rose to her knees. Her arms shook rather pathetically under her as she came to her feet, and she braced her hands against the walls of the bathroom stall she had hid away in to perform her secret relief.

Once the strength returned to her limbs, she walked out of the stall to wash her hands and rinse out her mouth. She made sure to smooth out her rather straight hair and her clothing, before she made her way out of Moaning Myrtle's restroom.

Her trip to the Gryffindor tower was spent beating herself up for her moment of weakness at dinner time, and after she had given herself a thorough scolding, she vowed to not let the same thing happen again. She would be strong and resilient from now on, she swore, even though deep down she knew that she could only keep it up for so long.

When she reached her dormitory and her robe was flung off, her body practically collapsed onto the large bed. The bones on her back cried out in protest as the het the bad that wasn't soft enough for her fragile body.

Ginny Weasley fumbled for the sleeping draught waiting for her on her dresser, and with relief she fell into sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Ginny's tired hazel eyes peered up at the ceiling of her dormitory, one that she shared with three other girls that she didn't care much for, and visce versa.

She had been stuck with three of the most vain and idiotic girls she had ever had the unfortunate chance of meeting, and they generally spent most of their time as her roommates trying to make her life miserable. She couldn't count the number of times that they had stolen something from her and hid it, or the mean comments they constantly made sure to give her.

When she had first came to Hogwarts last year, she had tried to make friends with them, only to have them laugh at her and make her feel like dirt. She should have expected it, since most of the time it seemed like her own family could barely stand being around her, if they ever cared to notice she was there that is.

If her own flesh and blood barely ever seemed to care, why would she have expected it to be any different with strangers? After that first encounter with the girls she had basically spent as much time as she could avoiding them, along with everyone else possible.

She had come to Hogwarts expecting the Gryffindors to welcome her with open arms and instantly become her friends, but they were not like the brave, kind, and fair group she had been told of growing up.

She had learned the hard way that they can be just as uncaring as everyone else, and it had hurt a little when her fantasy of expectance from them had been dashed away. She had found one person that had proved her wrong though, one person who had been there for her when she needed someone to talk to when it seemed as if things were just getting too hard for her to handle.

He was gone though, and it wasn't likely that he was ever coming back.

She rolled over slightly to check what time it was exactly, her bones seeming to press into the mattress. It was about an hour before the other girls would start getting up to get ready before breakfast, and she figured now was about as good a time to get up as any.

She really wished she could have slept more than she did, with the sleeping draught only giving her a few measly hours of rest.

Getting up tiredly, she made a mental note to make some stronger ones from now on. It would seem like her insomnia was too great for even that.

Ginny shuffled slowly to her trunk and pulled out her hairbrush, using it with one hand while the other tried smoothing out of her wrinkled uniform she'd fallen asleep in. She was glad that her red hair was still in rather good condition, even though some of its deep red color had faded.

She headed out of the dormitory and then the common room after putting on her cloak, head down with her hair covering parts of her face.

She really had no clue what she was going to do till classes started, and going to the Great Hall was out of the question. She was in no mood to be around other people right now, or later as well, and it wasn't like there was anyone that would want to be in her company anyway.

Ginny shrugged and decided to just roam the halls for a bit before heading to the library. Her steps were the only thing she could hear, and they seemed to echo down the hall.

She had already seen most of the portraits along the walls of the castle, since her insomnia often led her to wandering the halls in the late night or early morning. For some odd reason she never encountered anyone on her strolls, not even Filch or his mangy cat, and she was grateful for it.

Still though, her dull eyes swept over the paintings as she passed, occasionally looking out of a window as she passed one.

Christmas had ended just about a week or two ago, and there was still some snow on the grounds. The cold had been hell for her really, and she couldn't wait for it to leave. She was already practically always cold as it is, and she didn't need the winter time to make it any worse. At times she could admit to having appreciated it, since it matched to how she felt inside often.

Her body was so thin that it had a hard time keeping itself warm.

She stopped at a particular window that showed her reflection most clearly, taking in her gaunt face and slightly sunken cheeks.

Her head snapped to the side as the sound of footsteps and voices reached her ears, and she turned away from the window and hurried to the library as fast as her legs could take her. She really didn't want to be around anyone at the moment.

A slightly older girl with dark eyes and hair watched as Ginny disappeared down the hall, eyes narrowed before continuing to walk by herself. More students started pouring out into the halls, and she got swept away in the sea of people.

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Ginny slumped in her seat at the very back of the library, curling up in the soft armchair she had been lucky enough to find.

She taped her quill onto the piece of parchment she was using to plan what she'd eat for the next couple of days, if she was going to eat at all. It was something she did to separate herself from her mind, something that she could use to distract herself.

For today she would only allow herself an apple for lunch on account of how badly she had screwed up last night, even though she'd usually fast the day after she binged/purged. She was feeling weak though, and she knew that getting something in her system would only be for the best, and might even help prevent a repeat of last night.

Some other students had decided to enter her most commonly used safe haven, most likely trying to hurriedly finish their assignments.

Working on assignments was a welcomed form of distraction to her, as it allowed her mind to numb out the constant thoughts that tortured her. It was one of the ways she zoned out from the real world, and she'd do almost anything to lose herself for a brief moment.

It was about time for her first class to start, so she reluctantly got out of her seat and picked up her bag. Even though she had tried to keep it as light as possible, it was still a bit of a challenge to carry with her. She had way too many large books to lug around with her.

She really didn't want to have to go to class, and she saw no real point in the whole thing anyway.

Some of the classes were really pointless in her opinion, especially since she had no real aspiration to do much after Hogwarts besides moving out of her parent's home. No way could she imagine herself turning out to be some dutiful housewife to anybody, staying at home to take care of some needy children, and basically living her mother's life.

The only thing she could actually see herself doing was travelling the world, living like a nomad. Just wandering around till she found something that really called to her. Of course only is she didn't end up dying before-hand though.

Whichever came first, she supposed.

The bell rang, signaling that all those not in class were late, but she paid it no mind.

The professor should just be glad that she was bothering to come at all, and the prospect of losing points didn't bother her at all.

The day dragged on much more slowly then she would have liked, and all she wanted to do was curl up in a chair and read one of her much loved muggle books.

Her dad would bring some home that would end up forgotten, or some muggle born student would dump theirs somewhere, to which they'd then become hers.

She had either been spacing out or falling asleep in all of her classes, and surprisingly only Professor Snape had noticed, and assigned her a detention with him after dinner. She'd skip if she could, but she didn't want to bring much attention to herself, which would be very bad. She didn't really think the teachers would bother themselves much if she did act strange in some way, but she couldn't risk it.

She rather loved the way she could go about her day seemingly as if she wasn't really there at all to her peers, even though she could admit that it did get rather lonely at times. None of the people around her was the one she wished was there with her at those times, and she didn't need anyone around her but him.

At the school, and home, she could envision herself like a ghost, just roaming the halls by her lonesome self, there but not really. She was just waiting for the day she'd disappear, just fade away to some unknown place, with no one the wiser.

Sometimes she'd imagine that wherever she would go he would be there waiting for her, and it was better to imagine than the empty wasteland that would sometimes come to mind. She really didn't want to disappear though, since the unknown factor scared her quite a bit. If he was to be there with her though, she wouldn't mind then.

She could almost imagine his face in her mind's eye, but she quickly brought herself off of the track she had been heading on, knowing not much good could come out of it.

While everyone was at dinner she was curled up in an armchair in front of the fireplace, losing herself in the story of The Count of Monte Cristo, one of her favorites.

The sound of people around her broke her out of the spell she had been in, and with a start she realized that if she didn't leave now she was going to be late for her detention.

She groaned and hurried to the dungeons, not wanting to get in even more trouble, unless she wanted to do something absolutely horrid she'd bet.

No one paid her any mind as she ran by, just as she had grown to like.

She burst through the door to the potions classroom, and bent over to catch her breath.

Being to active, or sometimes just being active period, led to her feeling weakened and exhausted, but it was something she had learned to deal with and accept. Resignation came easily to her , and it was something that was felt to many things in her life.

She straightened back up, and Professor Snape stood in front of her glaring, his signature sneer plastered on his face.

She watched as he eyed for a second before sweeping past her and out of the classroom, his robes billowing around him. He didn't speak a word to her, but she followed behind him anyway, struggling slightly to keep up with his fast pace.

He led her to the large case that held a collection of pictures and awards from the past. She could see a large collection of dust gathered around the gold of the trophies, and the other items, and it didn't take a genius to tell what he was going to have her do.

With a flick of his wand, some rags and water appeared on the floor at their feet.

"Your wand," Snape said coldly, holding out his hand in front of him. She watched as he snapped it out of her hand, tucked it into his pocket, then turned and swept away.

"You'll be done when it's spotless," he said, never once breaking his stride, or looking her way. When he rounded the corner, she dropped to her knees and grabbed a rag, sighing.

"It's gonna take all night," she muttered to herself, though it really didn't matter as much as it should have.

She had nothing better planned with her time, and it wasn't like she was going to get much sleep tonight anyway.

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Hello peoples! Bet you thought I was gonna abandon this thing, but im here so I didn't. the next chapter may take longer to come out, but it will come out, I swear.

Hope you guys liked it, and if you have any suggestions or advice feel free to give it. Its always nice to hear other peoples opinions.


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